Final Post

Well, it's been a journey. It's been over two and a half years since my last post. Hard to believe. During the academic years 2011-2012 and 2012-2013, I taught in Saint Paul and was able to come home for summers and an extended break over the new year. In addition I visited the family, or they visited me, once or twice a term. This past fall was the same. But, I have had the good fortune to spend this term in Fredericton, holding a visiting position at St. Thomas University. It's been nice to be here with the family on regular basis. But, the kid who was 5YO when I began this blog just had a birthday and is now 13YO! And, after two and a half years of being a part-time parent, etc., etc., and after long and agonizing deliberations, we've decided to return to the US as a family. Most of my expat friends have already heard the news, but I'm posting it here for those who may have this on their blogroll and, like me, often wonder when someone 'disappears.' We love Canada and we will miss many good friends, not to mention the beauty of the Maritimes and proximity to the ocean. But, for at least the next five years, it's important that we all be in the same place. And, due to the conditions that are New Brunswick, that place cannot be here. So, there you have it. Full circle, I suppose. This blog began when we were undertaking the process of gaining permanent residency. I kept it up through the move and settlement. But, now, we return. Oh, Canada! Thanks for reading and for support from various corners over the years. It's been a real adventure. Au revoir!

Extreme Commuting

I mostly use the blog for the blogroll and not, obviously, posting. But, I thought I'd post a quick update for the one or two folks who may have their own time-sensitive blogroll and will see it...

On Thursday, I'll be leaving for Minnesota. The family is riding out with me, but will return to Canada on Labour Day. I'll be staying and teaching in Saint Paul for the indefinite future. Some think we're nuts, but here's the deal. We can visit - whether in New Brunswick or elsewhere - a few times a semester. I can come home for almost 7 weeks over the new year. I can come home for the summer, generally mid-May until the end of August. So, it's essentially 3.5 months x 2 away, with visits.

Why, you might ask, would we do this? Well, as a tenured full professor I simply cannot get academic employment in Canada. Too much seniority. Between the union environment (which I support) and the general preference for new and 'trainable' young blood... But, that's not so horrible as having taught as an adjunct here for the last three years, my gig in Minnesota is a better deal - it just happens to be in Minnesota which happens to be in the US.

"Yeah, but...," others might ask, "why not leave academia?" Because we chose to live in New Brunswick. I'm not bilingual, and the province is broke (not to mention, but I did, corrupt and nepotistic - is that a word?). If I even could find a job here - say, a decent government job - it would pay about half of what I make teaching in Minnesota. And, I could be laid off in six months. Things are not pretty here, not when it comes to employment.

"Ahhh" you say, "so it's all about the money?" Nope, not at all. I actually like what I do. But, of greater importance is job security and the fact that we have a ten year old who needs to be kept in clothes and fed. And, there's that pesky student loan debt... I can't afford to give up one of the most secure jobs in the continent only to find myself out of work six months later.

So, extreme commuting. I can't remember who coined that phrase, but I like it - though it's true I'm not going to be commuting, per se.

We'll have a blast on our road trip, seeing old friends and going, for the first time, to the Moosewood Restaurant in Ithaca. This is 10YO's - yes, if there are any long-time readers seeing this, 5YO is now 10YO - first trip back to Minnesota since we left in June 2008. He's going to get to see some of his pals - young and old - and we'll make a pilgrimage to the Great Minnesota Get-Together. P will get to savour some of her favorite things such as Fabulous Fudge Bars from Bread & Chocolate and dinner from Big Bowl. Yes, it's a chain, but she loves it. I'm thinking it will be a great trip!

I'll get settled in my temporary housing arrangement, walking distance from campus and set my office back up, sort of - I'm only taking five boxes of books and stuff. And, maybe I'll even find time to do some blogging. Right now I've got several trips planned since they're easy to do from a 'home' base in the States. E.g., In September I'm planning on going to visit my undergraduate mentor - and the reason I ever pursued graduate studies - who now suffers from Alzheimer's and has moved to assisted living. I'm planning on going on what is her birthday weekend and alumni weekend. And, I'll be visiting one of my best friends from my undergraduate days. In October, I'll be meeting the family in Atlanta. I may even arrange to visit some other friends I've not seen in a while. I figure I'm going to make the best of the fact that I have to be there! Before I know it, it will be December and I'll be heading back to spend over a month at home...

Bosley

Bosley, 1999-2011

He was one awesome pup!

And, again...

First, take a look at the Blog Archive to the right.

7 posts in 2010, 36 in 2009, 86 (2008), 99 (2007), 115 (2006). I sense a theme...

I entertained the thought of shutting things down way back - when, exactly, I don't know. But, having posted only seven (this makes eight) times this year, it looks like it's time to move on. I don't have the time to transition the blog to something else. Well, I could, but what I'm focusing on is such a radical departure from this blog, that it would be silly to take it in that direction.

Also, as I said in the last post, I'm in touch with almost everyone who might check in - and make themselves known - on facebook. And, I email with the one person who doesn't use facebook.

So, here's the deal. I'm going to leave the blog visible because it's an easy way to check in with everyone else's blog (US2CA). Also - again, as I mentioned - at the end of August I'll be going to Minnesota by myself, "commuting" - of sorts - between my job there and my family here. That may be a time that I resume blogging more regularly.

I still enjoy checking in with everyone now and again and there are some of you that I still hope to meet, live and in person. I'm very grateful for the support of our expat family, the information, the morale boosters, etc. It's been a heck of a ride!

Happy holidays - whatever it is you may observe - and I'll "see" you sometimes during the coming year!

Blog Roll

I was just looking at the list of blogs on my sidebar and thinking about how fast time seems to be moving.

We Move to Canada, Alice In Canada, Loud Murmurs, My Life in Exile de Facto, Newly Canadian, Moved to Vancouver, and Soulbliss have all posted within the past two weeks. That's Toronto ON, Fredericton NB, Vancouver BC, Cambridge ON, Sooke BC, Vancouver BC, and the Annapolis Valley, NS. Nice representation!

These folks last posted between one and eleven months ago: Wondrous Canadian Renewal (Windsor, ON), Calling Canada Home (Victoria, BC), Canadian Hope (Toronto, ON), and Canadian Boomdiada (Toronto, ON). Fortunately, I see updates from them on facebook!

But, these ex-pat friends - or hopeful ex-pats - haven't posted in a year: Beyond Borders by Toma, Life Without Borders, Notes from Nanaimo, and Would Be Canadians. I'm able to keep up with most of these folks on facebook, too. But, anybody ever hear from Daniel and Alan at "Would Be Canadians"? I know Bob saw them at least once in Vancouver, where they settled. I hope they're well.

So, I was just looking at the list and thinking, from my first post on 11 April 2006 - over five and a half years ago!!!! - how much we've all experienced, learned, lost, changed, etc. What a ride for everyone.

Five years ago our file had been with CIC for six months and we were waiting for the AOR. And waiting. Did I say waiting? Now, we've been here two and half years, built a house (for better or worse), and consider NB home. Maybe I'm prompted to think about this because I just sent out invites for our holiday party - and there are so many good friends we've made here.

Nothing earth-shattering to share. Just thinking about our ex-pat "family," our respective journeys, and hoping that everyone is well!

• 
  

Hello, hello!

I don't know that anyone checks in here anymore, but just in case... Aside from just having too much going on, I've not been real inclined to write as I've been living in what I think of as Limboland. But, here's the upshot...

For the 2011-2012 academic year, I will be "commuting" between Minnesota and New Brunswick. I've said, all along, that I was fortunate to be able to immigrate and not have to quit my job in the US. As a tenured, full professor, I can't get a job here - at least not in academia. But, I knew that. It's one of the downsides of a union environment. And, while I'd be happy with a number of other jobs, for a whole lot of reasons - not the least of which is a terrible economic situation here - that's not an option right now. But, neither are we prepared to give up, uproot, and move back - lock, stock, and barrel.

So, I've arranged my teaching schedule - I'll be teaching Tuesday through Thursday - so that I should be able to do something like spend three weeks in Minnesota, one week at home, three weeks in Minnesota... and so on. Not optimal, but better than having to leave - or not being able to put food on the table. If we lived in Toronto, I'd be able to come back almost every weekend. Alas, we don't live in Toronto. Between Labour Day and the middle of May, I should only have to be gone for a total of about six months. E.g., I can come home the second week of December and not go back until the first of February. It will be interesting. Heck, some people travel that much for work even though they still "live" at home.

P, an employee of the provincial government, attended a briefing today on the sorry state of the province. They pretty much outlined what is contained in the above link. I.e., An aging population with fewer and fewer younger folks sticking around and too great a reliance on money from Ottawa. I remain convinced that there must be some major corruption - or at least stupidity - for such a small province to manage things so poorly. Something's gotta give. I think there's also a mindset that is, in some way, several decades behind the times. But, that's another story for another time. Okay - one little thing. There's a big meeting coming up regarding the future of 9YO's school. When, you might ask? Why, on the first night of Hanukkah. Yes, that would be the meeting that's a couple of weeks before the Christmas concert. Yes, Christmas concert. Okay, enough on that.

We love much of what we've encountered here. No, not the crooked contractors, the lousy lawyers, the lack of future-oriented thinking... But, we do love our neighbours. We love the landscape and the pace. I love the non-profit community in which I've become involved. 9YO loves his school, his friends, his neighbourhood. But, we've gotta eat. Okay, yeah, I could eat less, but I've still gotta eat!

Because of the way academia works, there's a good chance that I'll do the same thing for 2012-2013. But, depending on what's happening with P's work, we may all end up spending that year in Minnesota. In the fall of 2012, 9YO will be 11YO and in grade six - how did that happen? Anyway, that's kind of the point at which we leave or figure out a way to stay.

I've no idea what will happen, but I thought that since I now know what is happening next year, I'd post a note sharing that info.

In other news, things are going well with my work in wrongful convictions and efforts to roll out the new organization. In addition to my two classes online, I'm teaching two classes here next term. I'm looking forward to a trip to Ohio in April for the Innocence Network conference and a trip to Arizona in May for my mother's 80th. But, first? The holidays and winter! Bring it on.

Time Flies...

I just noticed - when going to my blog to check on others' blogs - that I last posted two months ago today. Geez. The summer has just flown. Since that post I've been to Nova Scotia, PEI, Montreal, and Atlanta. My sister visited for three weeks - which was great! And, I've been busy with more house stuff and hassling with Canada Revenue - who, for reasons unknown - decided that P entered Canada in August 2009 and, thus, was a part-time resident. That, of course, created all kinds of changes to her return, which affected mine, blah, blah, blah. I keep waiting for the "dust to settle." Alas, it doesn't seem to to so. Fortunately, we still love it here. I should write more, but 9YO will be walking in the door at any moment. I can't believe we've been here over two years now and that some time next fall we'll be able to apply for citizenship. Yippee! Hope all is well with you and yours!

Bizarre!

Okay, the disclaimers... Yes, "people are different." No, we don't know what else might be going on. And, well, just read on.

Several months ago, friends of ours who moved from the US to Canada put us in touch with a couple, J&S, who were thinking of making the move North. But, specifically, they were thinking of New Brunswick! Yea! I composed several lengthy emails with my take on the pros and the cons and then, as they firmed up plans (so it seemed), several about vacation/tourism stuff. J&S were going to spend a week up here and check the place out. I recommended a decent hotel - with free wireless (critical!) and free movies - that had suite options as they would be coming with their two girls, one of whom is right around 9YO's age. Then, it occurred to me that they might like the opportunity to meet some of those in our fledgling Rainbow Families Network group. I asked if they would like me to arrange a small get-together so that they could do so. "Yes," J said. So, I got a sense of what would work - school ends Friday, some folks will head to their camps, etc. - and we set a date and time. Eight people (two couples and four coming alone) indicated that they would join us. Great! I emailed with J last week, just to pass on a few things like the fact that if you enter the border at Woodstock there's a nice visitor centre there.

Now, let me go back to July 2007. We flew into Halifax and spent four days in Nova Scotia. Then, on Thursday, 5 July, we drove to New Brunswick, arriving in Fredericton on a dreary, drizzly afternoon. I swear we didn't see a soul on the streets. It looked dark and depressing. That evening I was in a panic. We were so set on Fredericton being the "right" place for us and now I was second-guessing that. I remember that I could barely sleep. Snark warning! But, unlike some people, we didn't have anyone local to call and talk to about our initial impressions, to talk us down. We didn't have someone who had planned a get together for us, knowing that we might have, at least to some degree, an immediate circle of friends to welcome us. End of snark. But, the next morning was sunny and bright. I had a great meeting with someone from the university. We walked along the river. We didn't know for sure what would happen, but we were going to have a great vacation anyway. By the end of the day we knew this was the place.

Okay, back to 2010. Around 9 last night I received this message: "Well, we arrived. I don't think we can stay here thru the weekend. Sorry. Would you like to meet us tomorrow Wed for Breakfast? J"

Huh? Well, I was just, um, gobsmacked...

I immediately replied asking if everything was okay. I didn't hear back. I emailed again. She had left her number, so I called. No answer. Then, I decide to pack it in and soak in the tub. Phone rings. It was truly one of the most bizarre conversations I've had in a long time. She said that the kids were antsy, there was nothing to do, they had planned poorly, they're going to leave, "head east," and drive back south along the coast. "We went to a bookstore and I thought, 'I could do this at home,'" she said.

"All we've seen are highways," she said. Um, you just spent two days driving... Mind you, Fredericton has about 80,000 people, including the surrounding communities. It's not like the 401 runs through town. Yes, the hotel is on the retail strip from hell, but two minutes later you can be in a forest.

When she suggested that perhaps I understood, I said, "No, not really. We arrived on a Thursday afternoon with five days to spend and not nearly enough time to do everything we wanted." We had emailed about a day to Hopewell Rocks, a day in St. Andrews, time to check out different neighbourhoods... She just kept saying, "I guess we didn't plan well" and then, "There's nothing to do until the weekend" - when there's a multicultural festival in town.

Let me add that if she had said anything like, "I'm not liking what I see," or "It seems too small," or "I don't see any ethnic restaurants," or something besides "There's nothing to do," I would have been more empathetic and shared my experience of our first day. But, she sounded like a whiny twelve year old in a room with 500 books, a tv, and a computer. "Wahhhh, there's nothing to do." Or, as I've been known to say, in a well-stocked kitchen, "There's nothing to eat."

Nothing to do? Um - we had emailed about day trips to Hopewell Rocks, St. Martins, St. Andrews, beaches, parks, museums, the farmers' market, etc. It's not NYC, but then nobody operates under the illusion that it is. There's lots to do. But, it's not going to come knocking on your hotel room door.

Do I sound more annoyed than I should? Less understanding than I might? Yup. I was pissed. I had spent a considerable amount of time composing lengthy emails chock full of information. I had spent a fair amount of time planning a get-together with a bunch of over-committed people so that they would be able to hear about the place from more than just us.

But, most of all, I realize, I'm pissed because they didn't give the place a chance. When we got settled, we felt like we had discovered an overlooked gem. You know, we're in the fly-over/drive-through province. Fredericton was our little secret. No, not everyone will love it. Those of you in Toronto and Vancouver probably couldn't stand the fact that, e.g., I can count the "good" restaurants on one hand and the "ethnic" restaurants on the other. That's been our biggest complaint. But, we love that "rush hour" here is a joke to anyone from a "real" city. We love that we can be at the beach in an hour or in the middle of a forest in a few minutes. I love that when we do go to our favourite restaurants, servers actually recognize us. So, yeah, while it shouldn't be it feels like a slap in the face that they spent a few hours here, hung out at what I'm assuming was Chapters at the mall, and decided it was a bust. If they were at the local independent bookstore downtown then I'm even more puzzled as Fredericton has one of the most vibrant and charming downtown communities I've ever seen.

So, no, I didn't go to breakfast. I didn't feel like crossing the street to meet them, let alone going to breakfast. But, we had to decide what to do about Sunday. I emailed and explained that our guests would not be coming after all and that I would understand if folks had planned on coming primarily to be welcoming of our guests. Note: We had just had our monthly get-together. But, we would be here, with snacks and refreshments, for whoever (or is that whomever, I never know!) wanted to stop by. I'm happy to report that folks are coming, include a few who missed the last gathering will be coming. We'll visit. And, just maybe we'll all talk about how much we love Fredericton.

Hoo-ah!

I finally have some good - no, great - news to report. Yesterday I had an MRI of my knee and today I signed the settlement papers re the house lawsuit and picked up a cheque for about 3/4 of what is due to me. Woo-hoo!

First, the MRI. Old-timers might recall that back in May 2008, when I was visiting Fredericton right before the move, I ended up in the ER with a knee issue. The ER doc said torn meniscus, but that has never been documented. In July of that year I got on the waiting list to see and orthopedic surgeon. Then, in December 2009, my other knee went. And, that knee has been worse than the other. In early April 2010, I saw the orthopedic surgeon. But, by then it was the right knee that was worse than the knee that had originally gotten me the referral! He he put in a request for the MRI marked semi-urgent. Voila! Yesterday? MRI. Results in 7-10 days. I actually hope they find something that can be addressed. If not... I guess I'm just stuck with a bum knee.

Then... again, old-timers might recall - the lawsuit. We broke ground in June 2008. In January 2009, the day they put the last nail in the garage, the wacko builder made up a false invoice and sued me! Almost sixteen months - and about $4K in legal fees - later, I signed a settlement that gives me the remaining funds in escrow and the builder's HST rebate. We're still thousands in the hole in terms of what the repairs of deficiencies will cost, but had we gone to trial and "won" - and we would have - I would never have received a penny more - and it would have cost a bundle. He's borrowing from Peter to pay Paul and can easily show that the business, which is incorporated, doesn't have two loonies to rub together. And, at least, aside from $3K worth, the deficiencies are really cosmetic.

Aside from the good news, above, things are, I think, looking up. We've found someone to do the landscaping. He's a New Brunswicker who recently moved back from Toronto. That's a good thing. He knows New Brunswick, but he actually knows how to do business, write up a quote, etc. Hope it all works out! And, we've got someone lined up to repair the faulty window well and do the finishing on the inside of the basement windows. Fingers crossed!

I'm wrapping up the semester for my US online courses and getting ready for three online summer courses. I've got to get the outline for my book written and off to the publisher. I'm waiting to hear if I'll have to go to California to testify later this summer. And, my sister arrives from San Diego on 29 June, for three weeks. Gosh I am so hoping for a good summer!!!!

That's it - work to be done. But, had to share the latest as there are some of you I know have been waiting to see this post!

April

I had planned to post this on the first, thinking that I may be able to manage quarterly posts. Alas, here it is the 3rd already.

It's a beautiful Spring day here in Fredericton. At 24°/75° it's too hot for me, in fact! Tomorrow it's supposed to be even warmer. But, the sun is a welcome visitor. We picked up new deck rail boxes with the hopes of getting some (legal) herbs growing this year. We're cleaning up the woodpile, even though we'll be able to have evening fires well into the summer. And, we're scouting out landscaping people as this year we have to get something going. I realized that, aside from cost - and, no, we're still waiting to settle the litigation with the builder - one of the reasons that it's been difficult to "commit" to further expenditures on "settling in" is because of the fear that we're going to have to go back for a while. But, as time goes on - and things in the US get more and more insane - we're much more of a "no matter what it takes" mind set. As I've said before, between paying off some debt and knowing that we have a small mouth to feed, we've got to be realistic. But, things are definitely moving along in that regard.

Those of you on facebook likely know some of the following, but here's the latest in my world. As I mentioned in the last post, I was asked to serve as one of seven expert witnesses in a US legal case. I am now free to say that it is in the case Lxg Cxbxn Republicans versus Uxxxxd Sxxxxs, a challenge to "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" (DADT) in a US District Court. Yes, I get quite a chuckle out of the fact that I'm working for the gay Republicans - and I still think that that's an oxymoron - but, hey, whatever it takes. I wrote my report and last Monday I spent seven hours in a deposition. I quite enjoyed the fact that two attorneys from the US Department of Justice and the attorney representing LCR flew into little ol' Fredericton to depose little ol' me. Those of you who remember the hideous brief re DOMA, filed by the DOJ under the Obama Administration, might "enjoy" the fact that the attorney who deposed me is named on that brief and believed to have been the author. I'm actually glad I didn't know that until after the fact. Of course, had I know that I would have said even more than I did when he asked why I was living in Canada! I did say, "Because my family has legal recognition that is denied to us in the US," but I would have elaborated had I known his role in that ugly brief. The next step is that, if I am called to testify at trial, I will go to California in June to do so. A lot could happen between now and then, but if it's a go, I'm prepared.

On a related note, I was asked to visit the UConn School of Law - all expenses paid - and speak as part of a panel for a DADT event. I'll get to meet some folks where it's a case of "we've known about each other for years, but never met" and see a colleague I've not seen since 2006. Some of you may have heard about his book, read him on HuffPo, or seen him on the Daily Show - Nathaniel Frank, author of Unfriendly Fire: How the Gay Ban Undermines the Military and Weakens America. So, that will be fun.

But, before that I'm flying to Atlanta for the Innocence Network conference. While there I'll also see my (conservative) brother and sister-in-law and visit P's mother and brother and, hopefully, his partner. From there I fly to Ohio to visit the inmate with whom I'm working on a wrongful conviction case, thus my interest in the Innocence Network. And, then, from there I go to Connecticut and then back to Fredericton.

I return from my trip at 11:00 on a Friday night and the next two days I'll be in a Restorative Justice workshop with the John Howard Society all day. I'm really looking forward to that as it's an area I've been wanting to be able to get into more! And, I'm teaching RJ here in the fall, so even better!

I may also soon begin serving as co-chair of the Community Action Group on Homelessness-Fredericton. I had agreed to serve as chair, but then something else fell in my lap so we're hoping to set up a co-chair arrangement with someone who's really interested, but didn't feel she could take on chairing.

What fell in my lap is that I was contacted by a publisher and asked if I would agree to write another reference book. My previous book was on DADT. This one is a bit more broad in that it's "sexual orientation and the military." Thus, I can expand the scope a bit, both in terms of time and substance. The outline is due in June, 25% due in January, and the remainder due in January 2012. Guess you know what I'll be doing...

I also want to start a longer term research project that takes me in a new direction. Frankly, I keep trying to escape from DADT, but it keeps sucking me back into its grips. It's just too hard to turn down having my work acknowledged (e.g., the case and the panel) and too hard to turn down a guaranteed book publication. But, I'm looking into a new project that would focus on the adversarial nature of the North American legal system and its role in wrongful convictions. It would allow me to bring two of my major interests together so that makes it a fun and attractive enterprise!

Finally, another two-moms couple, C & D, with a son, A, moved her from Toronto last year and decided to try to start a GLBT parenting group. We had a small get together at their place last month and next Sunday we're hosting one at our place. We had dinner with C & D and their son, A, last night and really enjoyed it. Most of the GLBT parents we've met have kids because of someone's prior marriage to a man. It was nice to chat with someone who made the decision together, went the same route we had, etc.

Oh, and in May I'm doing a session on families at a conference for youth involved in their high school Gay Straight Alliances. A friend is one the openly gay teachers involved in the organization and he invited me to participate. Should be fun. I'm going to do it as a "brief intro followed by Q&A" type thing with questions submitted in writing - to avoid the "I'm afraid to ask the stupid question" phenomenon.

What else? Let's see. In January I wrote:
1. I'm hoping that our litigation is resolved favourably - okay, that really is number one. Nope, not yet. But, if I don't hear from my lawyer by 27 April - six months from discovery - he's fired and I'll handle it myself.

2. I'm looking forward to my sister's three week visit in July. She arrives on the 29th of June. Can't wait!

3. I'm looking forward to travels to Boston and Atlanta - conferences that we turn into vacations. We went to Boston and had a great time. Too much good food, though! Looking forward to Atlanta, etc.

4. I'm hoping for some improvement in my health. I see an orthopedic surgeon on Tuesday. I went on the waiting list in July 2008. I believe it was the 10th of July. I'm anxious to see what he says as my right leg and right shoulder are really bad right now. Then I go to see what the new BP meds are doing, or not.

5. I'm going to decide whether I'm going to get licensed to practice here, or not. With the book commitment that's less and less likely, but I'm not completely ruling it out yet.

6. I'm hoping we'll be able to get the landscaping done. As above, we're starting to get bids.

7. I'm looking forward to my workshop with the Alternatives to Violence Project. The first one was phenomenal, the second was sort of bizarre - due, it seems, to an inmate who was set off the presence of a very openly gay young man. But, I'm looking forward to the third workshop.

8. I'm hoping that we can squeeze in visits to PEI and Kouchibouguac. We'll definitely do Kouchibouguac, probably when my sister is here. We might try to do PEI in August over the holiday weekend.

9. I'm looking forward to the Inequality and Social Justice course I'm teaching here. I think it's gone well, but I'm still adjusting to the difference in students. E.g., "Yes, I really do expect you to attend the first class meeting."

10. I'm looking forward to more beach time with [then] 9YO. Soon, soon!

So, all in all I'd have to say that things are going great. P found out that her job is extended through next March and 9YO - yes, he's now 9YO!!!!! - still loves his school. When asked about it he proudly explains/exclaims, "The oldest continually operating school in Canada!" He's had a very good year and has decided he loves reading. Finally. He gets up around 5 am, sets the timer on the oven, and reads for thirty minutes before getting ready for school. I could handle it if he got up a little later - but at least he's reading! After a summer (2008) of hour-long fits over "Sam sat. Matt sat," that he's devouring chapter books on his own feels like nothing short of a miracle.

I could probably think of more. It's been a while. But, it's time to go up and see about supper. Hope all is well with you. I check the blogs of the "regulars" - well - regularly. I'm just not often inclined to write about what's happening here. Know that, if I know of your existence as an expat, I think of you often!

UPDATE: I changed the case name above as I'd rather that this post not come up when folks are searching on it. I'm sure you can figure it out, but feel free to email me if you want to know more.

Welcome to 2010

As always, it's hard to believe that it's been almost two months since I last posted. But, this is always a crazy time of year for me. In addition to the crush of the holidays, it's the end of the semester. This year that meant 53 papers and 53 exams in one class and 24 exams in another. And, while wrapping up the fall term, I had to get things up and running for classes that begin on Monday and Tuesday. But, enough about that. I'm here.

So, before thinking about 2010, what about the last two months of 2009? I could go on, typically, about the ongoing challenges of my health, litigation, etc. But, that's old news. I will say, in brief, that I'm on new meds though they've not yet shown any effect. And, my lawyer hasn't returned my emails and phone calls since he sent me an email on 18 November. But, mostly, things are reasonably good.

8YO - soon to be 9YO!!!! - is having a good year in his class with 11 other kids at the "oldest continually operating school in Canada." We love his teacher so that's a real bonus. The great news is that he's [finally] reading. He gets up early, sets the timer for 20 minutes, and reads before getting ready for school. It might be Pokemon or Diary of a Wimpy Kid, but he's reading - on his own, without being forced. That's huge for a kid who, during the summer of 2008, had a tutor and would throw a fit over having to read things like, "Sam sat. Matt sat. Sam sat on Matt." Yesterday we were running errands and, while driving down Main Street, he read, "Physiotherapy" on a sign we passed. Woo-hoo!

P is, for the most part, enjoying her job that focuses on legal and policy issues with the provincial library system. She's continuing to work on regaining her competency in French and tomorrow will start 10 weeks of skiing lessons. 8YO skis, but can't go down the big hills without an adult. Since, obviously, it can't be me...

I think the most interesting piece of news is that we had a holiday open house. We had about 60 guests, including kids. They were people from the university, from P's work, neighbours, kids from 8YO's school and their families, and folks we'd met in other ways. Most of them are heterosexual. Some are political Conservatives. Some are expats from other countries - Ireland, the Netherlands, Germany... Some are Baptist. And - it was great! The woodstove was going. Food was abundant. The snow came and covered the fact that we don't yet have landscaping. Thank goodness for that! I was struck by the realization that in a year and half we have far more friends - and people we'd like to get to know better - here than we did after 13 years in Saint Paul. And, most of them are het. There just isn't the inclination toward suspicion that I always felt in the US. Even though I could barely walk when it was over, it was a terrific gathering and I was glad we did it.

The other big news - and I can't say much about it other than that - is that I've been tapped to serve as an expert witness in a big case in the US. I won't know until later this year if I'll really end up in court, but for now I'm writing the report that, according to the Federal Rules, has to be submitted to be accepted by the Court as an expert witness.

As for 2010... in no particular order -
1. I'm hoping that our litigation is resolved favourably - okay, that really is number one.
2. I'm looking forward to my sister's three week visit in July.
3. I'm looking forward to travels to Boston and Atlanta - conferences that we turn into vacations.
4. I'm hoping for some improvement in my health.
5. I'm going to decide whether I'm going to get licensed to practice here, or not.
6. I'm hoping we'll be able to get the landscaping done.
7. I'm looking forward to my workshop with the Alternatives to Violence Project.
8. I'm hoping that we can squeeze in visits to PEI and Kouchibouguac.
9. I'm looking forward to the Inequality and Social Justice course I'm teaching here.
10. I'm looking forward to more beach time with [then] 9YO.

I've also started work on another project you can get a sense of here. I hope to attend the Innocence Project conference in April and make another trip to Ohio to visit Michael. And, I'm hoping - though I'm not terribly confident - that the investigative file will be released by the Toledo Police Department.

But, one day at a time. So. January. One online course begins on Monday. The course here begins on Tuesday. I have to complete the report, mentioned above. I have to complete a review of a journal article and a review of a grant proposal. I have to finish prepping the two courses that begin in February. I'm going to start - once the swelling my knee goes down - using my new stationary recumbent bike. I hoping to get, at least once a week, to an Aqua-Stretch class. We've got to plan 9YO's birthday party for early February. I'll be doing the AVP workshop at the prison near Sackville. And, we're committed to getting together with some of the folks we just don't see often enough. I think that's enough, for now.

I hope that you had a wonderful New Year's Eve - no matter how you chose to spend it. For us, it meant an appetizer spread with a friend and her Golden, G-Force - so that 8YO could join us, and time in front of the fire, chatting. As always, we were in bed by midnight.

Here's hoping that 2010 brings you all good things!

For the long haul...

We "landed" in March 2007. We moved in June 2008. So, next month, we will have been here 18 months - well, including living in three different places and P being in Minnesota for the fall term of 2008. But, we've been here, one way or another, for a year and half.

For that year and half we've had to have a mind-set of "If we have to go back..." I'm too senior to get a decent academic position here and since there is really no work here for P in her [previous] career, well, you get the picture. We've felt that we had to be open to the possibility. It's easy to say, as was the case for just about everyone else who has made the move, "Well, just make it work." But, that doesn't really work when you have a kid and are up to your collective eyeballs in student loan debt. One of us has to have a decent job and New Brunswick... um, not really the place for that.

But, things are looking up. P loves her job. It's not permanent and it's not in her "real" area of expertise, law librarianship. But, there's potential and she loves it. I don't know what's going to happen with me. I've got almost two years before I really have to worry about it. I've been debating (and debating and debating) going ahead with getting licensed to practice here. The details are best saved for later, but I'm going to go ahead with the first exam and see how it goes. And, if P does it, too, who knows!

Basically, between how much - even with all the challenges we've faced - we like it here and how hideous the US continues to be, we've pretty much decided that - as suggested in my last post - we're in it for the long haul. We've got the super duper snow thrower. Tomorrow I get to drop that $1106 on winter tires. And, P just agreed to serve as secretary for the "Friends of the Douglas School." I'd say that's a lock.

October

I'm not sure, but this may be the first time that more than a month has passed since I posted. I don't want to terminate the blog, but I've been insanely busy and keeping up with most folks via facebook. Update: Nope. I just checked and 6 Aug - 25 Sep was definitely longer than a month!

I don't even remember how much, if any, of this I've posted already, but here's the update. In June I was able to get assigned to a doctor. He's not my "family doctor" - we don't have one yet - but because I'm considered high risk, I can schedule appointments with him, so that's a step in the right direction. Without going into all the details, as of today I've had, courtesy of NB Medicare, three x-rays, a whole lot of lab work, been put back on blood pressure meds, and have an appointment with a rheumatologist scheduled for November. I'm teaching a class at UNB and a class at my home institution, online. Tomorrow is discovery at the lawyer's office. We're expecting to go to trial as the builder, in the same situation with another client, was already advised to settle and refused, firing his first lawyer in the process. And, I've got some miserable, spit-up-a-lung cold. So, between all of that and the regular hum-drum - you know, do the laundry, shop for groceries, try to socialize - I've been a little busy with not much to say.

I keep hoping that the dust will settle, but the world keeps kicking up little dust devils all around me. At this point, while not looking for things (e.g., the blog) to start chopping off "the list," I know it's a low priority. But, I always feel like I should just say "hey" and let those of you who still check - and who don't do fb - know I'm still kicking.

The great news is that P is loving her job with the province. It's only "for sure" through next June, but things are promising. And, we had a lovely dinner with one of her colleagues and her daughter last weekend. It's nice to be getting out. 8YO - who will be 9YO before we know it, but was 5YO when I started this blog! - is doing okay at school. His favourite things are recess, lunch, PE, snack... but he's doing okay. Compared to the reading trauma of last year, he's really making tracks! He's also taking swimming lessons right now and looking forward to another season of skiing.

We've got some great friends and neighbours and I keep thinking that a year from now we will be able to feel a bit more settled. Being sued by a crooked builder and wondering what our employment futures look like have pretty much kept me from feeling like we're "home," but, all in all, not a day goes by that I'm not glad to be here.

We are now the owners of a new Ariens Deluxe 27 snow thrower. That really made me feel like we're in it for the long haul. And this week I get $1106 worth of winter tires, complete with winter rims. Nobody in Minnesota gets winter tires. We must be in it for the long haul. I know Halloween hasn't yet come and gone, but we're looking forward to a second Christmas in the house - hopefully, with power this time! - and a holiday season with lots of baking and the smell of the roaring wood stove. This house, I've decided, was made for winter...

Wishing you all a wonderful autumn!

Swamps

I have been absolutely swamped... As mentioned in my last, long ago, post, we headed out on vacation and then I was on the road to/from Minnesota for two weeks. My mother rode back with me, classes started, and I've been swimming upstream ever since. I like to think that about mid-term I'll be able to breathe, but that's about when papers will be due. Oh, well... The GREAT news is that I received approval to change my January course to an online format. Instead of having to travel to Saint Paul for a month, I can stay right here. That will be a tremendous help!

While there have been plenty of times that I haven't had the time or energy to post, this is the first time that I've really not been able to keep up with my blog reading. But, fortunately, I "see" many of you on fb and can check in there. And, I have been managing to sneak a peek at the blogs every now and again.

I hope everyone is having a pleasant autumn - we're getting some great reds in the trees around here! No question about it - this is definitely my favourite time of year!

There went summer...

Been entertaining, traveling, dealing with contractors, trying to get fall classes up and running... but this morning I decided to resurrect Traveling Without Unraveling.

I don't know how much posting I'll be able to do here in the next few weeks. I'm home with 8YO and trying to do school prep. On 22 August we leave for a week in L'Anse-St.-Jean on the Saguenay. We're staying at Les Gites du Fjord, but hope to spend a day in Quebec City. If you've been there and have any tips regarding "must sees," please let me know!

We return on 29 August and on the 30th I leave for Saint Paul. I plan to arrive on 2 September, with the faculty conference taking place on the 3rd. Fearing that if I waited until I got there to make plans I'd see no one, I've booked almost every single breakfast, lunch, and dinner with someone I want to see. In between I'll do some of the stuff I need to be on campus to do, do some shopping, etc. My mother flies in on 9 September and we'll head from the airport to Madison, WI. She's riding back to Fredericton with me. We should arrive on the 12th. She's here for almost a month. On 9/10 October we'll drive down to Boston and she'll fly out on the 11th. We'll head back on either the 11th or on the 12th, Thanksgiving.

So, needless to say, whether I post much between now and then is up in the air. But, I will check in on facebook and I will try to post a little something about my travels on Traveling Without Unraveling. Enjoy the rest of your summer! Oh, and if you have tips on snowblowers, feel free to send 'em my way!

Another long overdue post...

Time for a potpourri update of sorts.

First, I received a post card from my sister today. She's traveling in England. It struck me that if this is a stereotype in England, it may explain a similar trend in Canada - as has been discussed elsewhere among our blogs. The card is labeled, "How to be British, No. 8."

A man and a woman are seated at what looks like it's supposed to be an "upscale" restaurant.
M: This meat is as tough as old boots. How's your fish?
W: It tastes off. And these vegetables are cold.
M: This wine is awful - I asked for dry and they've given us sweet.
W: And look, there's a worm in my side-salad.
Server: How is your meal? Is everything all right>
M: Oh, yes, It's lovely.
W: Excellent, thank you!

Hmmmmm...

P has the (second) new job I wrote about earlier. And, yesterday she interviewed for another position. For a variety of reasons that I don't want to post here (small world and all), if this one doesn't come through, I'm confident that she'll have a professional librarian position before this time next year.

We spent 1-4 July in Nova Scotia. Although it was misty to drizzly and cloudy the whole weekend, we still had a delightful visit with our fellow expat friends C and A, their girls, and an extended family of A's siblings and their families, college pals, etc. There was an indoor pool so 8YO had a blast and I know he had fun playing with the other kids. We returned via Halifax so that we could stop at Lee Valley Tools. Picked up some odds and ends like countertop compost bin filters. What did I get in today's email? Free delivery from Lee Valley! Oh, well, it was fun to stop and check out the bricks and mortar shop.

The last full week of June I received a call from the High Risk Patient Registry Clinic. Apparently it's new and it's sole purpose is to provide "high risk" people who are on the patient registry list with a temporary doctor. My complaint to the patient advocacy office at River Valley Health must have paid off because they had no way of knowing that I would fall into the category of having some chronic issues. Long story short - it won't get me an ortho appointment any sooner, but I was able to get that mammo recheck scheduled. And, since my BP was 148/100 that day... we're going to keep an eye on that. It's been high, on and off, for years. Meds never helped. Just chillin' out is the answer. Like that's happenin' any time soon.

I had also scheduled an appointment with a naturopathic physician. And, as those of you on facebook might know, I'm doing a three-week elimination diet. My allergist back in St. Paul had given me the materials for it and said, "You might try this." Ha! Like I'm going to put myself through this for a "You might..." Not a chance. But, armed with three different supplements and the resolve to stop feeling like crap, I went shopping Monday morning. Fruits, nuts, chicken, fish, vegetables, spelt bread, eggs, rice crackers, club soda... No gluten, aside from the spelt. No dairy, aside from the eggs, if you're inclined to put them in that category. But, no cheese, no milk, no yogurt, no butter... Might as well die now. No orange. No corn. No beef. No pork. And - drum roll please. No Diet Coke. Arrggghhhh! I'm now at about 96 hours without a Diet Coke and, honestly, it hasn't been that bad. I find that I like it with certain foods and since I'm not eating those foods. Of course it's not in the house either! I'm not that good.

I also had my first acupuncture treatment yesterday. Nothing much to report there except that it didn't hurt. A few weird sensations, but no pain to speak of. My knee is actually worse today, but I don't know that I'd conclude a relationship between the two.

Today was one of those perfect weather days that make Fredericton look just beautiful. Blue sky, white clouds, about 23°, dry. Perfect. I think we're good through Saturday.

A friend from St. Paul arrives on Saturday for a week-long visit. I'm not really sure what we'll do while she's here. She just had surgery for a torn meniscus and, while her brace comes off Saturday, she won't be up for any long hikes, etc. (either). We are going to head down to Hopewell Rocks on Sunday, weather be damned. That's just a requirement and Sunday is the only day that the tides are right for a one-day trip. Fortunately there's a shuttle from the main area to the stairs that go down to the beach. One stair at a time...

What else? I've been reading a lot about the genocide in Rwanda. In perusing the shelves for books on Iran, I came across a couple of books on Rwanda that I had always thought about reading. I had used clips of LGen Dallaire in class the last couple of years, but hadn't read his book. And, of course I had seen Hotel Rwanda. But, neither had I read Paul Rusesabagina's book, An Ordinary Man. I'm still reading Dallaire's Shake Hands with the Devil: The Failure of Humanity in Rwanda and I'm also reading Philip Gourevitch's We wish to inform you that tomorrow we will be killed with our families.

I had probably picked the latter up at least half a dozen times in the last year or so, but just didn't have it in me to read it. Thus far I would have to say that if you're only going to read one book on the Rwandan genocide, the Gourevitch book is the best for the mix of history/reporting and personal anecdote. Although I haven't finished Dallaire's book, it's good, too. It's just very hard to follow, even with constantly flipping back to the glossary. Lots of military acronyms and personnel. I actually went ahead and watched the movie version, thinking it might help me to keep track of everything. When I finish these two, I'm going to tackle Rwanda's Genocide: The Politics of Global Justice.

I don't know how many of you recall the famous Stanford Prison Experiment or the work of Stanley Milgram. I think L-girl has mentioned them on wmtc. Anyway, all the reading about Rwanda has me thinking that it's not that people committed the atrocities that shocks or puzzles me. This sentiment is similar to that in a piece I wrote right after Abu Ghraib. I just wasn't that surprised, even by the women. What I do find perplexing is the degree to which people who survive phenomenally horrific experiences are able to go on with their lives. It's just so hard to imagine...

I did pick up another book, several times, but I just don't know that I can bring myself to read this one. I "never" have nightmares, but the week after I started the other books I awakened myself - and P - trying to speak as a dark figure was coming toward me - in my "dream." This book might do me in. But, I mention it because people should know about the issue and the work.

The book is called, The Men Who Killed Me and is described as "[a] searing testimonial to the horrors of sexual violence in war—a littleknown aspect of the Rwandan tragedy."

From Amazon - "In the hundred days of genocide that ravaged Rwanda between April and July 1994, an estimated 250,000 to 500,000 women and girls were raped. No one was spared. Grandmothers were raped in the presence of their grandchildren; young girls watched the massacre of their families before being taken as sex slaves. To a lesser extent, boys and men also fell victim to sexual violence.

Fifteen years after the Rwandan genocide, The Men Who Killed Me features testimonials from seventeen survivors. Through their narratives and portraits, sixteen women and one man bear witness to the crimes committed against hundreds of thousands of others. In their strength and courage, they challenge the stigma of surviving sexual violence and living with HIV/AIDS (an astonishing 70 per cent of survivors are HIV positive)."

They also have a website with links to some of the organizations working with survivors. Note: Two of the authors have Canadian connections and, though it's closed, a gallery in Toronto had an exhibit earlier this year.

I think that's about it. I should have made this two different posts. A weekend in Nova Scotia v. genocide in Rwanda. Kind of a disconnect. Sorry!

And now, The Great...

Canadian/American Expat Friends/Old Friends Sky/Road Trip!

I had hoped to get this posted earlier, but I’ve been a tad obsessed with Internet coverage of the US Department of Justice DOMA brief and then I had a conference that started today. In short, the brief - called odious, dreadful, hideous by friends - lays out all of the [alleged] reasons that DOMA is not unconstitutional. And, to provide examples of cases where states have been permitted to prohibit marriages that are deemed to violate public policy, it cites cases that prohibit incestuous marriages and marriages between adults and minors. To say that people are outraged doesn’t begin to capture what’s happening. Major donors are withdrawing from a DNC GLBT fundraiser scheduled for next week. I don’t honestly know that I’ve ever seen this kind of collective outrage from the GLBT community. The Internet has provided an amazing tool for organization, communication, etc. But, back to my trip.

Beware – this is longgggg! And, I’m skipping a lot of detail – ‘cause, well, most of you were there for part of it!

I was up at 3:15 am last Thursday in order to make a 6 am flight to Toronto. After an uneventful trip I think I was at L-girl’s shortly after 8, Toronto time. It was just fabulous to meet her and Allan - and, of course, the dogs, too! Tala is a bundle of squirrel-chasing-I-love-ya-but-I-have-to-run-fun. And, Cody is just a doll. The old girl is soooooo sweet. It was just great. But, I had places to go and people to see and L-girl had a party for which to prep!

I knew that the coffee shop, Jet Fuel, was next door to Sweet Creamery so I headed in that direction. As I guessed, I was able to get connected via their Wi-Fi so I had a mocha and checked mail, etc. I had called Adam and he was going to meet me and I checked in with Tom. I hung out, read the paper, and met Adam shortly before noon. We went next door and found Emilio and I got to see Sweet Creamery – but didn't start sampling just yet! Tom arrived soon after and we hung out there for a bit. Customers started arriving almost as soon as the doors opened! Excellent!

Adam and I were able to coerce Tom into going to lunch and the three of us had a great visit. It was great to see Tom again and I was really happy to meet Adam. It’s so strange (to me) how well you can feel you get to know folks through our blogs. I mean, we sat and chatted as though we hadn’t just met. At least it seemed that way to me. Tom had to get back to work, Adam had things to do, and I was advised (Thanks, L-girl!) to get back to Mississauga before rush hour really commenced.

So, back to Sweet Creamery. I was so full from lunch, but I couldn’t leave without sampling the wares. Emilio gave me a sample of the lemon-mint gelato that was amazing! But, I also had to check out the Cappuccino ice cream. It was soooo creamy. I was stuffed, but glad that I hadn’t been reasonable and left without checking out the goods. That evening I had dinner and a great visit with L-girl and Allan. But, I had been up since 2:15 am, Toronto time, and I was toast so, while they watched the Red Sox-Yankees match-up, I toddled off to bed.

Between Friday morning and Saturday noon I got to see Tom and Emilio again and met L-girl, Allan, Adam, John, and Gito! I’d call that a great trip, no? A while back I met Mary and Diane and Bob. His partner, “drf,” was back in Florida at the time so I missed him. I’m tempted to be a real sociology geek and do a chart of who has met whom - Is that right? I’m not grammar perfect… Our own one-degree of separation.

The only down side to the trip is that I missed wmtc4. It was the same time as the wedding that was the main reason for my trip. But, I hear that the weather cooperated and a great time was had by all! Hopefully we’ll make it another time!

Now, backing up a bit. I was supposed to do a road trip in May and had to cancel because P got that job. I had realized that the main place I wanted to go - a small town in New York where folks from my family lived in the 19th and early twentieth centuries - was four hours from Toronto. I had been wishing that I had planned to go there while in the area, so to speak. On Friday afternoon when I realized that I had seen everyone I was going to be able to see (Eric is working, working, working and might have still been out of town; I wasn’t able to connect with Mason and Nick), I thought, “Hmmm… road trip?”

I did some quick calculating and realized that I could be in Hornell, NY by about 11 am, do what I wanted, and then be in Cleveland that evening. If available, I could visit one of my very best pals and still make Windsor for lunch with Gito and John the next day. Toronto is great, but hanging out in the city alone when I could accomplish this just wasn’t so appealing. So, Friday morning I hit the road by about 7:15. I was in Hornell by 11:15.

First I went to City Hall to get information regarding my great-great grandfather’s death. I had ordered a certificate from the state, but parts of it were unreadable so I was getting that information from the town. I then started walking the cemetery. It was my second trip to try to find my great-grandmother/grandfather's and her parents' headstones, along with a few other relatives. Alas, I was unable to meet up with the caretaker and I couldn’t find them. I climbed down hills, looked at fallen headstones under brush, got soaked by a drizzle, and ended up with a ridiculously stressed knee. Then I went to the (wonderful Carnegie) library and was able to record information from town directories from the 1870s, 1880s, and 1890s. I was also able to look up a few brief articles in the paper, recorded to fiche. Although I had already checked and seen that the last house they lived in was replaced by a new one in the early 1900s, I drove down the street thinking, “That mountain was there then – that’s what they saw each morning.” It was cool, even without their house still standing. I went back to the cemetery and tried again. No luck. I did end up talking with the caretaker by phone and while he was unwilling to come out and help me on a Friday afternoon, suggested that I call ahead next time and he would arrange to meet me.

Around 5:00 I got in my little rental car and started out toward Cleveland. I love driving – in daylight, on the open road. I passed – and passed up – the Zippo Case Museum in Pennsylvania. But, I’ll bet it’s fascinating. I made it to the outskirts of Cleveland shortly before 9 and met up with my friends. We headed back to their house and ordered dinner from a couple of local restaurants. Again, I’m reminded that what I miss most in New Brunswick is decent options for dining out/ordering in. I had some terrific eggplant parmigiana and great company. But, after sitting up chatting until around 11:30 it was off to bed. We were all going to be up and on the road by 8. M, my friend’s husband, went out to pick up bagels before we were even downstairs. By 8:15 we were on the road.

Let me tell you. The radio between Cleveland and Detroit? Fantastic. I didn’t know that stations still played old Casey Kasem shows from the 1970s! I loved that as I approached Detroit I was listening to Madonna’s Holiday! Makes me think of Boston Pride, 1984, every time. Country, hip-hop, oldies, jazz – I heard it all. Very fun.

As I entered Michigan, I was reminded of one of my best-buds from law school, AV, so I called her just to say, “Hi, I’m in Michigan and thought of you.” Even though she’s from the UP, she was tickled.

I arrived in Windsor around noon. Gito and John met me at the bridge and I followed them to Little Italy. We had a fabulous lunch at a little place called Mezzo. I highly recommend the squash ravioli with mutzu apple in a bacon sun-dried tomato cream sauce. Yum! Again, I had a great visit with more of our little family. Turns out that John and I were at the University of Arizona for a one-year overlap. I got there in 1990 and he left in 1991. Too funny! They were just delightful, and I had a great time chatting with them both. They then guided me to the tunnel back to Detroit and with a wave, we were on our respective ways.

I headed to the hotel in Utica, MI and, oh my, I drove past every retail establishment you could possibly imagine. Consumption Junction come to life. Between getting off the Interstate and heading to the hotel, 8 miles away, there were two, count ‘em, two Targets and two McDonald’s. I got checked in and immediately went to find my pal, N, and her husband, M. N and I were roommates in the Army, in Germany, 1978-1980. Her husband was room mates with my friend J, who was getting married. It was great to see M as he has been working every time I’ve blown through Chicago for the past 20 years. They had brought three photo albums with them so we had a blast going through those! It has never – really, never – occurred to me that other people have a record of your life in a way that is likely unknown to you. Wow.

Shortly after 6 we headed over to the hall. There was J, in all his splendor. We had not seen each other in 27 years. He visited me in NYC the summer of 1982. One hug reduced that to nothing. With the three of us standing in front of him, his eyes just filled with tears. We met his husband-to-be, R, and then we went to find our seats.

J had seated us at a table with a few other military folks from more recent times. Let’s just say, we had nothing in common with these guys, but the three of us had a great time. Joe had made a photo album for the table. OMG!!! I saw photos I didn’t know existed. Yikes! He had intended to make a CD of photos for each of us, but had trouble with the scanner. I really hope he is able to do so. I couldn’t believe the photo of me at a Halloween party holding a beer. I mean, seriously, who was that woman (child)? Regarding our tablemates – while we were light years apart. e.g., Person 1: “Is your son thinking of joining the military?” Person 2: “He doesn’t have to think about it. He is.” – let me hasten to add that they traveled to Detroit to see their old (and former!) sergeant marry a man. There’s not much I like about the military these days, but I do have to say that people would be surprised if they really got to know any number of service members. The broad brush isn’t broad enough.

The ceremony was brief and I was almost in tears. And that’s unusual. As posted a while back, J came out to me in 1979, but spent the next 28 years single and pretty much expecting to remain that way. Then he met – or re-met – R, literally the boy who had grown up next door. I honestly don’t know that I have ever been as thoroughly, profoundly, happy for someone as I was for him. It was great!

J made a few comments, including asking us to think about the military personnel serving overseas – he’s retired Army and works for the VA. But, he added that he hopes that they all come home safely and are able to marry whomever they wish. He thanked the Canadian government for giving him the opportunity to marry the man he loves. Privately he told me that he planned on emailing the White House to say how pathetic it is that a man who served the US Army for 20 years had to leave the country to do so.

After a terrific buffet, I took a trip to the Candyland Cornucopia. They had a table filled with Bazooka bubble gum, Pop Rocks, Mary Janes, wax lips, candy necklaces, Pixi Sticks, licorice sticks, and much, much more, along with cellophane bags in which to take your stash. Score – present for 8YO! Later that evening, the four of us were able to visit and look at all of the photos together, reminiscing. One guy, B – who I also last seen in NYC in ’82 – was supposed to be there, but had brain surgery – for debilitating migraines - scheduled for Tuesday. A few of the photos were just J, B, and me being crazy. I was sorry he couldn’t join us and hope all goes well. It was getting late and we needed to go, but, even with a really bad knee I couldn’t resist going without one dance. So, when Holiday came on, J and I danced. And talked. And danced. And then, we – well, me – hobbled off the floor and let all the youngsters keep whoopin’ it up.

It was a really cool wedding. Almost everyone was extended family – from kids who could barely walk to folks in their 70s, if not their 80s. His lesbian aunt and her partner of 27 years were there. People were of all colours and classes in everything from suits and dresses that were, um, a little too tight to jeans and shirts that celebrated the American flag and motorcycles. And, everyone was there to see two men say their vows and become hyphenated-gay-men.

I returned to the hotel around 11 and crashed. The next morning I was on the road back to Mississauga. I got to hear great music, again. Lots of oldies. And, NPR, too. It was really weird to be in Canada, picking up a US NPR station, doing a show on Health Care in Rural America and the potential health program being outlined by the Obama administration. Surreal. I arrived in Mississauga with time to spare. So, I went directly to our old friend, Panera. I knew that P would flip – so I bought bagels and cookies and packed them in my bag for delivery to New Brunswick.

That’s about it – minus about 1000 details. But, all in all I had an absolutely wonderful trip. It was such a great mix of old friends and new friends, good music and nice driving… Gd, I love a good road trip.

That's it for now!

One Year

On the one hand, it doesn't seem like a year. On the other hand, it seems like an eternity. But, yes, one year ago today we arrived in Fredericton.

It feels somewhat odd that I don't have anything remarkable to say about it. I'm glad we're in Canada. On most days I'm glad we're in New Brunswick, or at least in the Maritimes. On my travels last weekend I found myself thinking, as a I drove, "This seems nice... but there's no ocean!" When we got here I found myself wondering how I had ever lived in land-locked Minnesota for 13 years! Note: The 10,000 lakes don't count!

Today, I'm particularly glad to be in Canada. I just send a message to the White House, expressing my disgust over the Department of Justice brief on DOMA. 2012? I don't think so.

But, let's recap the year, shall we?
12 June: Left Saint Paul, MN
16 June: Arrived in Fredericton, NB
16 June - 1 October: Lived on Charlotte Street
1 October - 16 October: Lived on Bridge Street
16 October - 17 November: Lived on King Street
17 November: Moved into the incomplete house in Douglas, NB

P was, unexpectedly, back in Minnesota from 20 August to 10 December, with a few visits in between. From January to April she completed her last credits of law school by doing a practicum at UNB and graduated with her JD. She is now working again and will start a new job in her field - libraries - on Monday. Woo-hoo! And, it's a government job. Even better.

8YO - who, L-girl reminded me, was 5YO when I began this blog! - has had a wonderful year. Having done K and grade 1 in French Immersion, this year in an English school has been great for him. He has caught up with his reading - nothing short of a miracle if you had seen last summer's meltdowns. He was able to ski this winter and is now playing soccer. He's anxiously awaiting trips to Killarney Lake to look for tadpoles and lives to play in the water down on the Bay.

Me? I'm still walking better some days than others, having trouble with my shoulders, and waiting to be seen by a doctor in Canada. Oh, well... I'm hangin' in. After waiting 51 weeks for the powers that be to figure out that it was okay, my work situation is set for the next two years. I'm thankful for that as it means I can teach, mostly, from here, but for my "home" institution. I was able to teach a class at UNB this winter and will be doing another next year. I'm [still] being sued by our crooked builder and one of the subs he failed to pay. But, I try to be hopeful that everything will, eventually, be fine - both with my health and the house.

I often ask myself what I would do differently. Honestly? I'm not sure that we would have come to New Brunswick. When I tick off the reasons it's a great place for us versus why it's not, I think that we might still have done so. The only reason I really continue to wonder about the decision is the health care situation. I have come to the conclusion that I would still have built a house. It made sense in terms of finance, timing, and lifestyle. And, we absolutely love our location. Not just the area, but the exact lot is perfect. But, if I'd had a crystal ball, I would simply have hoped it would have told me to use a different builder - or to have not worried about being perceived as a bitch for insisting that they do things right. But, as above, I try to have faith that eventually it will all work out.

We've met some absolutely great people and 8YO has some really good friends. But, I'm also thankful for the cyber-community. It sounds kind of lame when I look at the words, but I really think that communicating with my friends - expats in particular, family, students/alums, and colleagues - be it via blogs, email, or facebook, kept me sane. Well, as sane as I am, regardless of locale. I loathe to think of what this year would have been without that ease of contact.

This summer we will visit the shore in Nova Scotia - celebrating a special occasion with another expat family, spend a week in a small village in Quebec, and, if we can swing it, spend a weekend on Campobello Island. We'll get down to the Bay again for various day trips. A friend from Saint Paul will spend a week with us in July. At summer's end I'll be driving to Minnesota for the "opening games"of the academic year, returning with my mother in tow. She will probably stay for 3-4 weeks, able to see the change of seasons. For the past 21 years my life has been lived on the academic calendar. That hasn't changed. Summer? I have the good fortune for that to mean more than that the weather has become warmer.

So, one year. Wow. What will the next year bring? I'm almost afraid to consider the question! But, we're here and, as I said earlier, I do like to think that we've "turned a corner." I just remind myself that, regardless of the challenges, we're living in a place where our family is treated equally under the law. That's enough to make it all worthwhile.

I am not kidding, but...

perhaps we really have turned a corner. Hold on to your hats, we may on the way to having two good posts in a row in this blog!

You may recall that, in late April, P was offered a two-month position at UNB. I don't even recall whether or not I posted about it, but that was then extended until April 2010. Of course they love her, it has been great, etc. Let me hasten to add that some of these work-related posts would be far more interesting if I included details, but I hesitate to do so in a public forum. So, the Cliff's Notes version is that yesterday she received a call from the director of the New Brunswick Public Library System. And, if everything goes through HR without a hitch, she'll have a new job. It's a one-year, but it's a provincial job paying $6/hr more than the position at UNB. She will have an opportunity to work on her rusted-out French and, most importantly, she'll be internal. Right now, with a provincial hiring "freeze" I guess they can actually hire; they just can't advertise. The folks at UNB have been great and, after originally declining interest, they encouraged her to pursue it since it's in her career field. Fingers crossed that it all works out! I actually went shopping without stressing about the cost of groceries. What a difference it makes for us to both be gainfully employed.

In other news, you may know Richard Florida's work - The Rise of the Creative Class and The Flight of the Creative Class? His latest book is Who's Your City? - with Canadian content! He, too, moved from the US to Canada. Imagine my delight...

Best cities for families, overall -
Ottawa/Gatineau, Toronto, Calgary, Fredericton, Guelph

Best cities for cost, overall -
Ottawa/Gatineau, Quebec City, Fredericton, Toronto, Montreal

Best cities for families, gay & lesbian -
Ottawa/Gatineau, Toronto, Fredericton, Calgary, Guelph

Best cities for cost, gay and lesbian families -
Ottawa/Gatineau, Quebec City, Montreal, Toronto, Fredericton

I'm not sure what the last ranking says - maybe that those in Fredericton feel compelled to spend more money traveling to spend some time in more queer-friendly large cities?!? Weird that it would be ranked lower in "best for cost" than the bigger cities listed. Anyone with a guess as to what explains this?

I'm sure we can quibble with the methodology and I've not read the book yet, but just seeing that Fredericton was even on the radar was great. But, get this - I had looked at the book in a store and decided I'd pick it up at the library as it isn't one I feel compelled to have in my collection. The library has the original hardcover - sans Canadian content! Grrrrr!! The above, therefore, is from the website.

So, there you have it. We're on a roll!

And, another great Sunday!

Yesterday morning we drove down to spend the day in St. Andrews-by-the-Sea. It was just lovely. We arrived around 11 and first stopped at the Visitor Centre to check out the best places to walk along the water. Then, we went to the Gables Restaurant for lunch. Although it was a tad chilly in the shade, we sat on the deck watching the tide come in. Broiled scallops, lobster roll, and, of course, chicken fingers, all with excellent fries. It was almost high tide. This place is sort of known for the fleece wraps they keep on the wall, for those wanting to sit outside but being a bit chilled. P and 8YO each ended up wrapped in one.

From there we went over to the Blockhouse, not to visit the Blockhouse, but to walk out the "spit" that was created as the tide was going out. From there we went to the aquarium at the Huntsman Marine Science Centre. It's a very small, and not terribly well maintained place, but it is primarily a working site - as opposed to an "attraction" - and 8YO had an absolute blast. The seals, Loki and Snorkel, were old news to him. But, he loved the touch pool. He was able to pick up seastars, though he skipped the crabs, and was able to touch anemone and sea cucumbers. The touch pool in Minnesota is occupied by rays - and he would never touch them. We had to drag him away - his hands were red and freezing by the time we were successful!

From there we drove to the other end of town and parked near the water. We walked the trail at Pagan Point Preserve, walked along the shore for a ways and then back. With a stop for a treat along Route 3, we were home by 6:30 and threw some brats on the grill. Not a bad day! Here, of course, are a few snapshots.

Out to the end of the "spit" near the Blockhouse.

If it involves water - but doesn't involve soap - 8YO is in heaven.

Along the coast at St. Andrews, New Brunswick.