And now, The Great...

Canadian/American Expat Friends/Old Friends Sky/Road Trip!

I had hoped to get this posted earlier, but I’ve been a tad obsessed with Internet coverage of the US Department of Justice DOMA brief and then I had a conference that started today. In short, the brief - called odious, dreadful, hideous by friends - lays out all of the [alleged] reasons that DOMA is not unconstitutional. And, to provide examples of cases where states have been permitted to prohibit marriages that are deemed to violate public policy, it cites cases that prohibit incestuous marriages and marriages between adults and minors. To say that people are outraged doesn’t begin to capture what’s happening. Major donors are withdrawing from a DNC GLBT fundraiser scheduled for next week. I don’t honestly know that I’ve ever seen this kind of collective outrage from the GLBT community. The Internet has provided an amazing tool for organization, communication, etc. But, back to my trip.

Beware – this is longgggg! And, I’m skipping a lot of detail – ‘cause, well, most of you were there for part of it!

I was up at 3:15 am last Thursday in order to make a 6 am flight to Toronto. After an uneventful trip I think I was at L-girl’s shortly after 8, Toronto time. It was just fabulous to meet her and Allan - and, of course, the dogs, too! Tala is a bundle of squirrel-chasing-I-love-ya-but-I-have-to-run-fun. And, Cody is just a doll. The old girl is soooooo sweet. It was just great. But, I had places to go and people to see and L-girl had a party for which to prep!

I knew that the coffee shop, Jet Fuel, was next door to Sweet Creamery so I headed in that direction. As I guessed, I was able to get connected via their Wi-Fi so I had a mocha and checked mail, etc. I had called Adam and he was going to meet me and I checked in with Tom. I hung out, read the paper, and met Adam shortly before noon. We went next door and found Emilio and I got to see Sweet Creamery – but didn't start sampling just yet! Tom arrived soon after and we hung out there for a bit. Customers started arriving almost as soon as the doors opened! Excellent!

Adam and I were able to coerce Tom into going to lunch and the three of us had a great visit. It was great to see Tom again and I was really happy to meet Adam. It’s so strange (to me) how well you can feel you get to know folks through our blogs. I mean, we sat and chatted as though we hadn’t just met. At least it seemed that way to me. Tom had to get back to work, Adam had things to do, and I was advised (Thanks, L-girl!) to get back to Mississauga before rush hour really commenced.

So, back to Sweet Creamery. I was so full from lunch, but I couldn’t leave without sampling the wares. Emilio gave me a sample of the lemon-mint gelato that was amazing! But, I also had to check out the Cappuccino ice cream. It was soooo creamy. I was stuffed, but glad that I hadn’t been reasonable and left without checking out the goods. That evening I had dinner and a great visit with L-girl and Allan. But, I had been up since 2:15 am, Toronto time, and I was toast so, while they watched the Red Sox-Yankees match-up, I toddled off to bed.

Between Friday morning and Saturday noon I got to see Tom and Emilio again and met L-girl, Allan, Adam, John, and Gito! I’d call that a great trip, no? A while back I met Mary and Diane and Bob. His partner, “drf,” was back in Florida at the time so I missed him. I’m tempted to be a real sociology geek and do a chart of who has met whom - Is that right? I’m not grammar perfect… Our own one-degree of separation.

The only down side to the trip is that I missed wmtc4. It was the same time as the wedding that was the main reason for my trip. But, I hear that the weather cooperated and a great time was had by all! Hopefully we’ll make it another time!

Now, backing up a bit. I was supposed to do a road trip in May and had to cancel because P got that job. I had realized that the main place I wanted to go - a small town in New York where folks from my family lived in the 19th and early twentieth centuries - was four hours from Toronto. I had been wishing that I had planned to go there while in the area, so to speak. On Friday afternoon when I realized that I had seen everyone I was going to be able to see (Eric is working, working, working and might have still been out of town; I wasn’t able to connect with Mason and Nick), I thought, “Hmmm… road trip?”

I did some quick calculating and realized that I could be in Hornell, NY by about 11 am, do what I wanted, and then be in Cleveland that evening. If available, I could visit one of my very best pals and still make Windsor for lunch with Gito and John the next day. Toronto is great, but hanging out in the city alone when I could accomplish this just wasn’t so appealing. So, Friday morning I hit the road by about 7:15. I was in Hornell by 11:15.

First I went to City Hall to get information regarding my great-great grandfather’s death. I had ordered a certificate from the state, but parts of it were unreadable so I was getting that information from the town. I then started walking the cemetery. It was my second trip to try to find my great-grandmother/grandfather's and her parents' headstones, along with a few other relatives. Alas, I was unable to meet up with the caretaker and I couldn’t find them. I climbed down hills, looked at fallen headstones under brush, got soaked by a drizzle, and ended up with a ridiculously stressed knee. Then I went to the (wonderful Carnegie) library and was able to record information from town directories from the 1870s, 1880s, and 1890s. I was also able to look up a few brief articles in the paper, recorded to fiche. Although I had already checked and seen that the last house they lived in was replaced by a new one in the early 1900s, I drove down the street thinking, “That mountain was there then – that’s what they saw each morning.” It was cool, even without their house still standing. I went back to the cemetery and tried again. No luck. I did end up talking with the caretaker by phone and while he was unwilling to come out and help me on a Friday afternoon, suggested that I call ahead next time and he would arrange to meet me.

Around 5:00 I got in my little rental car and started out toward Cleveland. I love driving – in daylight, on the open road. I passed – and passed up – the Zippo Case Museum in Pennsylvania. But, I’ll bet it’s fascinating. I made it to the outskirts of Cleveland shortly before 9 and met up with my friends. We headed back to their house and ordered dinner from a couple of local restaurants. Again, I’m reminded that what I miss most in New Brunswick is decent options for dining out/ordering in. I had some terrific eggplant parmigiana and great company. But, after sitting up chatting until around 11:30 it was off to bed. We were all going to be up and on the road by 8. M, my friend’s husband, went out to pick up bagels before we were even downstairs. By 8:15 we were on the road.

Let me tell you. The radio between Cleveland and Detroit? Fantastic. I didn’t know that stations still played old Casey Kasem shows from the 1970s! I loved that as I approached Detroit I was listening to Madonna’s Holiday! Makes me think of Boston Pride, 1984, every time. Country, hip-hop, oldies, jazz – I heard it all. Very fun.

As I entered Michigan, I was reminded of one of my best-buds from law school, AV, so I called her just to say, “Hi, I’m in Michigan and thought of you.” Even though she’s from the UP, she was tickled.

I arrived in Windsor around noon. Gito and John met me at the bridge and I followed them to Little Italy. We had a fabulous lunch at a little place called Mezzo. I highly recommend the squash ravioli with mutzu apple in a bacon sun-dried tomato cream sauce. Yum! Again, I had a great visit with more of our little family. Turns out that John and I were at the University of Arizona for a one-year overlap. I got there in 1990 and he left in 1991. Too funny! They were just delightful, and I had a great time chatting with them both. They then guided me to the tunnel back to Detroit and with a wave, we were on our respective ways.

I headed to the hotel in Utica, MI and, oh my, I drove past every retail establishment you could possibly imagine. Consumption Junction come to life. Between getting off the Interstate and heading to the hotel, 8 miles away, there were two, count ‘em, two Targets and two McDonald’s. I got checked in and immediately went to find my pal, N, and her husband, M. N and I were roommates in the Army, in Germany, 1978-1980. Her husband was room mates with my friend J, who was getting married. It was great to see M as he has been working every time I’ve blown through Chicago for the past 20 years. They had brought three photo albums with them so we had a blast going through those! It has never – really, never – occurred to me that other people have a record of your life in a way that is likely unknown to you. Wow.

Shortly after 6 we headed over to the hall. There was J, in all his splendor. We had not seen each other in 27 years. He visited me in NYC the summer of 1982. One hug reduced that to nothing. With the three of us standing in front of him, his eyes just filled with tears. We met his husband-to-be, R, and then we went to find our seats.

J had seated us at a table with a few other military folks from more recent times. Let’s just say, we had nothing in common with these guys, but the three of us had a great time. Joe had made a photo album for the table. OMG!!! I saw photos I didn’t know existed. Yikes! He had intended to make a CD of photos for each of us, but had trouble with the scanner. I really hope he is able to do so. I couldn’t believe the photo of me at a Halloween party holding a beer. I mean, seriously, who was that woman (child)? Regarding our tablemates – while we were light years apart. e.g., Person 1: “Is your son thinking of joining the military?” Person 2: “He doesn’t have to think about it. He is.” – let me hasten to add that they traveled to Detroit to see their old (and former!) sergeant marry a man. There’s not much I like about the military these days, but I do have to say that people would be surprised if they really got to know any number of service members. The broad brush isn’t broad enough.

The ceremony was brief and I was almost in tears. And that’s unusual. As posted a while back, J came out to me in 1979, but spent the next 28 years single and pretty much expecting to remain that way. Then he met – or re-met – R, literally the boy who had grown up next door. I honestly don’t know that I have ever been as thoroughly, profoundly, happy for someone as I was for him. It was great!

J made a few comments, including asking us to think about the military personnel serving overseas – he’s retired Army and works for the VA. But, he added that he hopes that they all come home safely and are able to marry whomever they wish. He thanked the Canadian government for giving him the opportunity to marry the man he loves. Privately he told me that he planned on emailing the White House to say how pathetic it is that a man who served the US Army for 20 years had to leave the country to do so.

After a terrific buffet, I took a trip to the Candyland Cornucopia. They had a table filled with Bazooka bubble gum, Pop Rocks, Mary Janes, wax lips, candy necklaces, Pixi Sticks, licorice sticks, and much, much more, along with cellophane bags in which to take your stash. Score – present for 8YO! Later that evening, the four of us were able to visit and look at all of the photos together, reminiscing. One guy, B – who I also last seen in NYC in ’82 – was supposed to be there, but had brain surgery – for debilitating migraines - scheduled for Tuesday. A few of the photos were just J, B, and me being crazy. I was sorry he couldn’t join us and hope all goes well. It was getting late and we needed to go, but, even with a really bad knee I couldn’t resist going without one dance. So, when Holiday came on, J and I danced. And talked. And danced. And then, we – well, me – hobbled off the floor and let all the youngsters keep whoopin’ it up.

It was a really cool wedding. Almost everyone was extended family – from kids who could barely walk to folks in their 70s, if not their 80s. His lesbian aunt and her partner of 27 years were there. People were of all colours and classes in everything from suits and dresses that were, um, a little too tight to jeans and shirts that celebrated the American flag and motorcycles. And, everyone was there to see two men say their vows and become hyphenated-gay-men.

I returned to the hotel around 11 and crashed. The next morning I was on the road back to Mississauga. I got to hear great music, again. Lots of oldies. And, NPR, too. It was really weird to be in Canada, picking up a US NPR station, doing a show on Health Care in Rural America and the potential health program being outlined by the Obama administration. Surreal. I arrived in Mississauga with time to spare. So, I went directly to our old friend, Panera. I knew that P would flip – so I bought bagels and cookies and packed them in my bag for delivery to New Brunswick.

That’s about it – minus about 1000 details. But, all in all I had an absolutely wonderful trip. It was such a great mix of old friends and new friends, good music and nice driving… Gd, I love a good road trip.

That's it for now!