Pending...

And, the big news is... if the builder gives his approval we'll close on a nice 1 acre lot in Douglas, New Brunswick at the end of November. I won't go into the whole story, but I'm really, really pleased with this decision. Although you can't tell much, here are a few photos of the lot, 15 minutes from downtown Fredericton.


And, a HUGE congrats to Tom and Emilio on what sounds like a pending sale for them! I know that's an incredible relief!

Get me out of here!

A little background. I buy family health coverage. To cover 6YO and P, as well as myself, is $546 a month, including dental. Even though domestic partnership benefits are taxable (i.e., paid post-tax), I have been able to have it as a pre-tax deduction because 6YO is my son. Now HR has been told, not surprisingly, that they have to tax me on it.

One might think that they would then tax the "portion" that provides the DP benefit. Technically that's zero since the premium is the same whether it's only 6YO or 6YO and P. But, let's call it 50%, or $273. Oh, no, silly. They have to tax me on the "fair market value" of single coverage, or $400. Thus, I pretty much lose and non-taxability of the dependent child coverage.

Yes, nice that we now have DP benefits. But, I am so tired of being told, indirectly, that I'm not a valued citizen of this nation. I looked at the benefits manager and said, "This is why I hate this country." I don't know if I posted this before, but I got a really nice raise this year. But, after the increase in tax on P's tuition "benefit," I saw an additional $17 in my paycheck. Woo-hoo. Get me out of here.

Okay, there's my rant for the morning... and how are you?

Banking

I didn't have time to do this while actually IN Canada... Does anyone know if I can open a bank account in Canada while still in the US? And, do I need an SIN in order to open an account? Just thought someone out there might know. Thanks!

Live - from Newark!

I am now in my fourth hour here at Newark Liberty (ha!) airport. My flight was cancelled and I'm re-booked on a delayed flight.

I left F'ton around 7 am - after missing a turn and going the wrong way on the Trans-Canada, with the fuel light on, in pitch darkness... I made it to Halifax right on time, gassed up, returned the car, and treated myself to a lobster roll. Here's what I wrote while in flight:

I arrived in Halifax at 1:50 on Saturday afternoon and was soon on the road to F’ton. I made it exactly four hours, good time considering it included a stop for a snack. When I arrived I immediately drove by a few of the properties I would be seeing with the realtor on Sunday. I knew as soon as I pulled up to the “primary target” that it was a no-go. Without going into too much detail, it was just a weird set-up in terms of the garage, access, etc. And, when my lights hit the side of the house I could see that there had been a lot of touch-up work to the wood siding, but not a full paint job. Normally that’s nothing, but after six years of major renovations to a 1918 home we are really not interested in moving in with a “First we’ll want to do this…” mindset.

I drove past another place that was intriguing, but really on too busy a corner. I had made up my mind that I was not going to ‘settle.” If all goes well this may be the last house I ever buy; I want it to be as close to perfect as possible. It was getting dark so, after a quick stop at Atlantic Superstore - I had to be sure to take back a few Coffee Crisps – I headed to C&L’s for the night. My hosts, C&L, were out for the evening so I was able to unpack and get settled and, just as I was writing a note for them - before turning in - they arrived. We ended up talking until almost 1 am!

On Sunday morning C – a Montrealer by birth – made cheese and apple crepes with maple butter. Oh, my gosh – to die for! At 10 the realtor picked me up and we spent a whirlwind day looking at I don’t know how many properties. I’m glad I hung on after the rocky start of wondering if she would return my emails. She’s great! Later in the day I saw a place quite a way out of town. I wasn’t sure about the location, but the house was perfect!

Now, allow me to digress. We started this adventure hoping to rent while we built. Then, as renting became more and more challenging and the idea of building seemed more and more daunting we abandoned that idea and focused on buying. Then, it was condo, city, country, house…? With a going-on 7YO there is one set of criteria, regardless of my yen for less burdensome property. And then there’s our dog. He’s always had a yard. So, late Sunday evening I returned "home" absolutely frazzled and exhausted – and feeling like I was getting a cold. I had seen a lot of houses that I couldn’t imagine buying – all needed too much work, or had a layout I didn’t like, or were on too busy a street… Except for the aforementioned house and it seemed a bit far away.

So, up and at ‘em Monday morning - I drove out to the property - 20-25 minutes from downtown, max. It’s a psychological adjustment, I think, that, given the size of the city, something so rural is only 20-25 minutes – shorter than my previous commute from Minneapolis to Saint Paul. After a delay while she got a dog on the plane to Australia, I hooked up with the realtor and discovered that the owner had just accepted an offer. But, having been down that road before, I concluded that it just meant something better was to come.

After looking at a few more things and talking about how perfect that house was, we talked about building. Was it really possible? The builder whose work she likes – not a big, mass production guy – came and met us at the house. I knew that it was basically a stock plan bungalow and that it would be easy enough, but we walked the house and talked about what I like about it, etc.

We then went to an area where he has a few homes and we talked further. Longer posting short – based on what I had figured out about the different areas of greater Fredericton I pretty much knew where I wanted to be, if possible. Lo’ and behold there are two one acre lots available, heavily treed, 15 minutes from downtown.

I figure that, if we buy a lot, and things fall apart, we have a lot to hang on to for the time being. But, we both (P and I) like the idea of getting what we really want. E.g., we want smaller and greener. A lot of the homes I saw were too big. Even the one I loved was bigger than we need. The builder is really into green building and R value. It’s more expensive up front, but one home that he did that is something like 3500 square feet has a heating bill of about $180/month. Some of the homes I saw that are that size or less were running about $350/month.

So, I don’t know how this will all turn out. It will be fun/ny to look back at this post a year from now and know where we’re living, how it all turned out, etc. I’ll keep you posted!

Other thoughts from this trip –
My blood pressure drops when I arrive in Canada. I love cheerful, laughing tollbooth attendants. The trees in New Brunswick and Nova Scotia were just gorgeous. This year a more muted yellow dominates, punctuated by bright reds and orange, with the green of the firs. I can’t wait to go hiking. I know there were other things that made me think, “Oh, I should write that down for later,” but I didn’t and now I’ve forgotten.

Stay tuned!

Back and off again!

Thanks to those of you who posted your good wishes. It's very much appreciated. I've been back almost a week and have spent most of it playing "catch-up." My mother, fortunately, is in San Diego with my sister so I've not been worried about her. She did tell me yesterday that the worst time is when she wakes up during the night. She's now feeling guilty that she wasn't assertive enough with the hospital staff. That's a bit troublesome. I assured her that she is probably the most assertive spouse they've seen in the last ten years. Seriously. I am just so glad that my sister and I both have the kind of lives that enable us to pick up and go at the drop of a hat. I can't stay gone long, but I can go. I am very thankful for that. Very thankful.

In other news, I'm going to make a quick trip to Fredericton next weekend to check out some property. We decided that we need a better idea of neighborhoods and it's easier to do it now than as we get closer to the end of the term. And, making plans to travel there in the middle of winter is a bit dicey as the weather will play a huge role. I'm actually flying into Halifax and driving over as I was able to use frequent flyer miles. I would have flown into Bangor, but by the time I was sure about going the ticket was gone! Hey, I'd rather land in Canada and drive across Nova Scotia anyway!

BTW, those in the GTA, I'm still planning a January trip to Toronto - there I don't have to arrive and drive 5 hours! Watch for news off the blog.

That's about it from here. Yesterday was beautiful; today is a cool, rainy fall day. So, it's off to the indoor playground so that 6YO can play while I grade papers. I hope everyone is doing well. I've been keeping up my reading, just haven't had much time to post.

RDW, 1926-2007

Shortly after 6:00 this morning, my father, RDW, died at the VA hospital in Tucson, Arizona. A veteran of WWII and Korea, his professional career was in the non-profit world, first as a teenager with the, then, Boys Club of America. He was a golf fanatic and a very dear man. One of the most notable things about him, I think, is that he married my mother when she had three children ages 6, 7, and 10. What a saint!

In the update below, posted on Monday, things were really up in the air. On Tuesday my mother called to tell me that the doctor said he thought he had 2-3 days to live. I quickly arranged to fly down on Wednesday morning. My sister was also able to fly over from San Diego. We arrived at the hospital around 11:30 am. It was just horrible. I can't believe how much he had deteriorated from when I left on 9 September, never imagining it was going to turn out like this. I don't know that he was truly "comatose," but he was not truly conscious. I do, however, believe - by his breathing, etc. - that he knew when people were there. He was receiving pain meds every three hours, but clearly in pain much of the time, howling if moved ever so slightly.

My mother had been at the hospital since Monday morning so I got her to let me take her home - about 8 miles away and right past the scene of the accident - to shower and get some fresh clothes. We went back and all stayed until 3:45 am when my sister and I came back to the house to rest. My mother was able to doze, intermittently, in the lounger. We returned at 6:30 am.

On Thursday we all stayed with him throughout the day. His system was clearly shutting down, but we had no idea how long it would be - hours, days, weeks? My sister and I, encouraged by our mother, left around 8 pm thinking we'd sleep a few hours so that we could make it through the night in case she wanted us back. She called at 1:15 am, unsure if he was still breathing. We had agreed that she would call us before calling the nurse. We got back and, yes, he was still breathing though very, very shallowly.

At around 5 am we could note a distinct change in his breathing and knew the end was near. I hope I never again watch someone taking his or her last breaths. The time between breaths got longer and longer, not knowing if the next one was coming. At 6:05 he died.

Fortunately, I was able to immediately get a hold of my brother, who is in the Middle East; it sounded like he was right next door. As much as cell phones annoy me they can be a blessing.

My mother is doing remarkably well. And, as odd as it sounds, if this was going to happen the timing was good to us. We had two days to spend with him and her which I think made things easier on all of us. I had time to meet with their attorney and yesterday we were all able to meet with him again before he left for the long weekend. We were able to write his obituary and take care of things with the mortuary and bank. Now, we have two days to do things around the house to make it less difficult when my mother returns from San Diego. We convinced her to go spend a couple of weeks with my sister which is wonderful.

Although he was legally my stepfather, R and my mother had been married 40 years last April. I knew him longer than I knew my natural father. Coincidentally, my natural father died at the age of 56 on R's 56th birthday. I should add that I found my father dead on the floor of his apartment. As terrible and unexpected as that was, it was actually much easier than the last two days have been.

Again, everyone, my mother included, is doing well, better than many might expect, I think. My sister and I are incredibly lucky to have the kind of lives that enable us the ability to take off at a moment's notice and not lose our jobs, income, etc. And, we were incredibly lucky to have had R in our lives.

Thanks for reading and for any kind thoughts you may send our way.

In other news...

After almost two weeks of hassling with PDFs and email, I received the restrictive - emphasis on restrictive - covenants on the condo in which we were - past tense - interested. And, bummer, but they prohibit pets.

Oh, you can have a dog - are you ready? - under five pounds! Now, I don't have anything against tiny dogs, but what kind of adult dog is under five pounds? I once lived with a toy poodle named Monte. But, heck, even he was eight pounds - and he wasn't carrying any extra weight either! You can have a cat if you owned it at the time you purchased the property. How generous. Good grief, Charlie Brown - or should that be "Good grief, Snoopy!" We were willing to accept the no flags, no hanging beach towels, etc., in exchange for being able to pick up and go without arranging for shoveling, mowing, etc., but no pets? In property we own? No way!

I don't know about the rest of you but I can easily place my number one stressor as housing. Yup, housing.

Update from Tucson

Just thought I'd post a quick note. On Friday my father's doctor asked my mother about a DNR order, etc. Fortunately they took care of those years ago. Last night was the first time my mother has gone to his room to visit and just turned around and gone home. I guess she was stroking his forehead and he was screaming.

This morning she said that he has not had food or fluids for 48 hours. She is planning on having them bring a lounge-sleeper to the room so that she can just stay there. One of the things that, I think, has been hardest on her is that she has often gone home thinking, "This is it," only to go back and find him awake and lucid. I do think that one "good" thing about the pace of his demise is that she's now, I think, adjusted - as much as one can - to the very real possibility/likelihood that he won't be coming home. But, stranger things have happened.

All of this as a result of the accident and treatment for three fractured ribs. Anyway, that's the latest.

Update to the update: My mother called me at work earlier today to tell me that they think his hip - the one he had "fixed" last Monday - was dislocated. My sister just called to say that he's now on an IV and yes, it is dislocated and the surgeon will be coming to talk to my mother tomorrow. I guess in addition to the dislocation and the pain it causes there's now the possibility of it having stretched the ligaments beyond repair. The "good" news is that he was lucid enough to tell my mother that he had been complaining about the hip and "nobody believed him." This is getting beyond ridiculous. Stay tuned.