RDW, 1926-2007

Shortly after 6:00 this morning, my father, RDW, died at the VA hospital in Tucson, Arizona. A veteran of WWII and Korea, his professional career was in the non-profit world, first as a teenager with the, then, Boys Club of America. He was a golf fanatic and a very dear man. One of the most notable things about him, I think, is that he married my mother when she had three children ages 6, 7, and 10. What a saint!

In the update below, posted on Monday, things were really up in the air. On Tuesday my mother called to tell me that the doctor said he thought he had 2-3 days to live. I quickly arranged to fly down on Wednesday morning. My sister was also able to fly over from San Diego. We arrived at the hospital around 11:30 am. It was just horrible. I can't believe how much he had deteriorated from when I left on 9 September, never imagining it was going to turn out like this. I don't know that he was truly "comatose," but he was not truly conscious. I do, however, believe - by his breathing, etc. - that he knew when people were there. He was receiving pain meds every three hours, but clearly in pain much of the time, howling if moved ever so slightly.

My mother had been at the hospital since Monday morning so I got her to let me take her home - about 8 miles away and right past the scene of the accident - to shower and get some fresh clothes. We went back and all stayed until 3:45 am when my sister and I came back to the house to rest. My mother was able to doze, intermittently, in the lounger. We returned at 6:30 am.

On Thursday we all stayed with him throughout the day. His system was clearly shutting down, but we had no idea how long it would be - hours, days, weeks? My sister and I, encouraged by our mother, left around 8 pm thinking we'd sleep a few hours so that we could make it through the night in case she wanted us back. She called at 1:15 am, unsure if he was still breathing. We had agreed that she would call us before calling the nurse. We got back and, yes, he was still breathing though very, very shallowly.

At around 5 am we could note a distinct change in his breathing and knew the end was near. I hope I never again watch someone taking his or her last breaths. The time between breaths got longer and longer, not knowing if the next one was coming. At 6:05 he died.

Fortunately, I was able to immediately get a hold of my brother, who is in the Middle East; it sounded like he was right next door. As much as cell phones annoy me they can be a blessing.

My mother is doing remarkably well. And, as odd as it sounds, if this was going to happen the timing was good to us. We had two days to spend with him and her which I think made things easier on all of us. I had time to meet with their attorney and yesterday we were all able to meet with him again before he left for the long weekend. We were able to write his obituary and take care of things with the mortuary and bank. Now, we have two days to do things around the house to make it less difficult when my mother returns from San Diego. We convinced her to go spend a couple of weeks with my sister which is wonderful.

Although he was legally my stepfather, R and my mother had been married 40 years last April. I knew him longer than I knew my natural father. Coincidentally, my natural father died at the age of 56 on R's 56th birthday. I should add that I found my father dead on the floor of his apartment. As terrible and unexpected as that was, it was actually much easier than the last two days have been.

Again, everyone, my mother included, is doing well, better than many might expect, I think. My sister and I are incredibly lucky to have the kind of lives that enable us the ability to take off at a moment's notice and not lose our jobs, income, etc. And, we were incredibly lucky to have had R in our lives.

Thanks for reading and for any kind thoughts you may send our way.