Let me say first that I'm not posting so that folks can tell me I'm biased, etc. I know I'm biased. I don't care for people who support candidates who actively work to legislate my second class citizenship. Now, that being said, I really am puzzling over the following.
I had several roommates in college. One we'll call W. We lived together our junior year and actually graduated sitting next to each other. We last saw each other in the early 90s when she, with her husband, young son, and nanny, came to Tucson. We were last in touch around 1998. A couple of days ago I received a message from her via LinkedIn. She had simply typed my name in a search and found me. I wrote back, she wrote a longer update, I replied with a longer update. Let me add that I was "out" to her in college and that's never been an issue.
I had mentioned that we were going to NYC in April as P's graduation present. She hadn't mentioned that they no longer lived in North Carolina and that, in fact, they now live in Connecticut. She wrote back that they lived only an hour by train outside the city and that we should come visit. I wrote back that we will only be there for a day and half, but that if she wanted to come in and meet for lunch, great.
We're staying outside the city in Stamford, CT on Thursday and Saturday, but in the city on Friday night. Realizing that she had said "small New England town," I did a whitepages search and, lo' and behold, they live 12 miles from where we're staying. Then, because it's what I do, I typed her husband's name into Google to see what he was doing these days. Don'tcha know it? On the very first page of hits, visible without even clicking the link, was the fact that he had contributed to the GOP. In fact, I clicked and then saw that he has given the maximum allowable contributions to the Guiliani for president campaign, the Shays for Congress campaign, and the 2004 Bush campaign. Ick.
So, here's the deal. I don't really care to spend one minute of my life with someone who supports people who have, among other heinous acts, actively sought to limit my civil rights. But, I know that W - as in my roommate, not the other "W" - while she is likely a "fiscal conservative Republican," is also anxious to see me, meet the family, etc.
She may well suggest that we meet for dinner or that we come over. I would be fine seeing her and catching up - I don't see how I can avoid it at this point. But, I really don't want to spend time with her husband or in her house. But, I'm not sure that I can avoid that either, at least not without somehow raising the issue of their/his politics. I have a few ideas regarding what I might say. But, I'm wondering what you think. Any suggestions?
One of course is, "Suck it up. You won't see them again." Another is that plus "teachable moment." There are others. I'd love to hear what you think.
10 months ago
4 comments:
Personally, I think I would stick with the original plan and have her come in and meet for lunch. Perhaps confirming where "in" is quite near the day when you arrive. This way, even if the hubby does tag along - and if it's during the week perhaps he has work commitments - at least you're on neutral territory . . . .
Perhaps I read this wrong but your friend might not have had anything to do with the decisions to financially support Republicans. Her husband may have just donated and she may know nothing of it.
My second thought regards my step-father who is a true conservative. He is definitely republican, fiscally and socially conservative and, if he had any money, would be donating a portion to the GOP. In any case, despite knowing that he doesn't approve of my lifestyle, probably doesn't believe in gay rights, and all the rest, I get along with him great. That's because he does not "prosletyse" his political and social views, because he treats me and my partner with the utmost respect and is generally glad to see us both when he gets the chance and always gives my partner and myself a big hug and kiss on the cheek when he does so. My point? Live as an example, show your love, let them be who they are and either go see them because you truly want to or stop fretting about not doing so. He may support the evil GOP but perhaps he isn't a stereotypical Republican...the only way to know it go break some bread or have a cup of tea with them. You may (or may not) be glad you did. Good luck!
Thanks for the comments - both here and via email. The situation has resolved itself because, between Passover, school vacation, and basketball, there's no time that works well for both of us. For a whole host of reasons, that's just as well. Thanks, again.
I am late in the game on this one. I have a different view. Screw them, who needs them. Beyond our personal issues with conservatives, they also systematically and deliberatly through their policies destroyed the global economy and are unwilling to admit their guilt. They shred the constitution and promote toture and hatred.
I have Republican members of my family and avoid them like the plague. One thing I truly cannot stand is a conservative using me to pretend they are tolerant of us. While voting against my best interests. "Oh I have a gay brother/friend, so I am not intolerant" is just not cool with me.
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